“But if not.” Following Jesus when things aren’t going well.

Something I promised myself I’d do when this all got started is post about Jesus. I don’t know where to begin. You can assume this is a scratching the surface sort of blurb.

I’ve been a Jesus follower since I was three. I remember raising my hand in the back row of church and the pastor saying, “And the little lady in the back.” And that was it. I remember that moment, it’s engrained in my head.

My parents put me in Christian school from day one and I went to a Christian college (though I hated it—a whole other post!). The first time I wasn’t in Christian school was in grad school! But here’s the thing—because I was raised in it, it was always being shoved down my throat. While I always believed and never questioned if God was real, it took a long time for me to get past “religion” and to “relationship” with Jesus. There’s a difference.

During my teens and twenties, I watched almost all of my friends walk away from God.

Like, all of them.

I actually don’t talk to many of them anymore, not because I don’t like them, but because we just grew apart. I think God removes people who will take you away from Him—not always, but sometimes. Sometimes we’re supposed to be lights to those people, and sometimes God removes them. I let Him make the call.

Back to the main point: All my friends walked away from God, I think, because we got religion instead of relationship growing up. We got tradition. Go to church, do devotionals, go to Bible class, say prayers. But we didn’t get “Hey, Jesus loves you so much that He died for you. Literally. So let’s spend time cultivating a relationship with the God of the universe who made you as His image bearer.” Let me tell you, that is a different message.

Since we got the “religion” message, I believe when temptation arises, painful life events happen, or God feels boring, it’s easy to walk away because you had no real foundation. Jesus was never your friend, your father, your savior. He was just some guy who gave you rules you didn’t understand. Remember that old story about the house built on sand? It applies here.

When my trials arose (starting at 18 and, well, it feels never ending even at my age now), I realized I had a choice—fade into the grayness of a faithless existence or learn, truly, who God is. I knew there was only one answer.

Follow God.

Do you know how hard that is?!

It’s very hard to stay on the path when life isn’t working out. And y’all my life has done anything but “work out.” Maybe one day I’ll write more, but for now, just assume it’s been a tough road. There were so many times and there are so many times, when I ask God:

“Why are you not moving?” “What did I do wrong?” “How can I trust you?”

If you’ve been a Christian for over five years, I’d say asking those questions is normal. What’s hard is sometimes there’s no clear answer until much later. Hindsight’s 20/20.

What I’ve learned throughout my twenties specifically is the lesson from inside the fire.

“But if not, He is still good.”

This is what Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego said when they were being sent into the fiery furnace for not bowing the knee to a gold image (Daniel 3). They knew God could save them, but they didn’t know if He would. That’s a powerful stance to take when you don’t know the outcome. But I’ve chosen to take it.

So even if God doesn’t do what you want Him to do, or even if you are living with unanswered questions, we still live knowing He is good.

Which means that He is good regardless of what’s happening in my life. And, believe me, there is a lot happening in my life that I am not pleased with. But that doesn’t change my faith. And it never will.

I hope it never changes yours either.

xx RJ